Tonight I am struck with how broken our world is. Yesterday a troubled young man shot and killed a policeman who was performing a routine traffic stop. This happened at a place which has had its share of violence and pain over the past five years. Although not directly affected by those events, my life has been shaped by them over the past four years. Countless friends I've made were hurt by that day, and I see it resurfacing with the events of this Thursday. Death and fear brought at the end of a gun. It just reminds me how broken and shattered this world has become.
Earlier today I was sitting in a waiting room at the hospital down in Winston-Salem. I have to travel there each year for them to look at my eyes (when I was a baby they did some major surgeries on my left eye). I was sitting in the waiting room for them to call me in and take some pictures. While there I noticed the rest of the chairs were filled with people who looked tired and shaken. A woman beside me was talking to another older woman sitting with her husband. He was called into the room and seemed disoriented. His wife began telling us that the past three years were harder than anything we could imagine. Her husband's only brother and only son had been diagnosed with different cancers within months of each other and had passed away recently. His daughter-in-law was going through medical difficulties as well. He himself had a debilitating medical condition and was now losing his slowly losing his sight. You could tell she was at the end of her rope and was tired of this life.
As I sat there listening to her story, the woman beside me could only place a hand on her and said she would pray for her. She then began to say that to compare her problems would be insensitive, but that she was dealing with two sons who had disabilities. Her five-year-old had a mental condition and was not expected to live more than a year from now. She herself was the victim of a home invasion last month and was beaten unconscious. She said that's why she was at the hospital today; to see if her sight would be permanently damaged.
Both women sat in silence and I pleaded with God for something to say, some words of comfort to pour into their lives. But the magnitude of their suffering overwhelmed me. As I listened, I wondered how they could get up each morning and face the day. The woman beside me said "I keep asking God why He keeps putting me through this. He knows I don't have a big 'S' on my chest. There's no cape on my back. I'm not Superman." She asked me about my story this year, and I mentioned how I had recently graduated from Tech. Naturally the events of yesterday came up, and we discussed them briefly. We agreed that this world in which we live is very difficult. More difficult than I had ever realized sometimes. The woman beside me talked about how people we see every day can be going through such fierce battles in their lives and we never know it. The pain and exhaustion in both women's eyes were evident. I thought we had reached a point where mere words weren't enough.
Then I remembered a quote from Mother Teresa that I was able to paraphrase for them. "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, but I just wish He didn't trust me so much."
The feelings behind that statement won't make the pain go away. They won't make life turn rosy and perfect for these women and their families. But the moment of laughter brought a smile to their faces. Maybe it was a reminder that the darkness we walk through isn't complete.
Shortly afterward I was called into the room and once the pictures were taken I was back in the hallway by the waiting room. The two women I had been talking with were gone, and the room was filled with other families. I never got their names, and I doubt I'll ever see them again, but I'm sure their stories will stick with me. We don't have the answers for why life is so hard, or why terrible things happen to good people, but we can have hope. You can call it coincidence, but I feel there was a reason I was in that waiting room this morning. The doctor I was seeing decided to have them take pictures of my eyes, something they hadn't done since 2004. I was next to a woman who was open and honest about discussing her life with total strangers, which reminded me how we are built for community. We can't make it through the hardships of this world without community, whether it be close friends or complete strangers.
So I sit here and try to put all this together.
We live in a shattered world.
But we have a hope that transcends the brokenness.
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